Family Still Matters

Call me nostalgic, but there was a time when physical, face-to-face interaction was the one thing many looked forward to. Getting home to play with your friends outside or spending time with family was considered a pleasure, not an obligation.

Today, family seems more of an effort than the intrinsic institution it was just 20 years ago. That is, at one point family was the foundation for the individual, providing moral, ethical, spiritual and principled guidance for the child and the family as a whole. The dinner table was the altar from which fathers evinced the tenets that gave rise to those characteristics of success such as fortitude, integrity and respect; and mothers instilled values such as compassion, tolerance and deference. Though not totally lost, I contend the dinner table’s significance in the American family has been greatly diminished and in some respects has been relegated to the “to do” list instead of being the priority. Moreover, family has been demoted in our society, making a cameo when schedules capitulate and the coffer of excuses fails to produce a feasible offering.

The vicissitude of our society is not new and, in fact, it is this mutability that has help create the great nation that we live in today. However, the price we have had to pay as a society to tout such an advanced, progressive nation is evident in the casualties we see strewn along the figurative highway. And, if you look closely, family is one of those casualties hemorrhaging from multiple orifices, asking for help in a raspy whisper, with one out stretched hand.   

Children today are inundated with a myriad of electronic devices and virtual social escapes that have become bastions for their attention, robbing them of opportunities to interact with people and experience social norms and expectations. In fact, because of the proliferation of these virtual brain-suckers, I postulate that many children miss much needed opportunities to understand personal boundaries and social hierarchy, failing to see the inherent authority in their elders when sharing public spaces.

Honestly, I couldn’t imagine dropping an “F” bomb in front of any adult when I was a kid. Nor could I ever imagine challenging an adult who chose to admonish me for behavior that was interpreted as disrespectful or unbecoming; and God forbid if I became so emboldened to ignore all common sense and try my luck, the threat of telling my mother was the elixir to my stupidity. Try that threat now and you are likely to spark a verbal barrage of epic portions, one that is so laden with profanities that the late Richard Pryor himself would blush.

I distinctly remember there was a time when the family was the authority; a time where family was the moral compass, the governor and executioner of discipline (for some that was called the fear of God), and the quintessential ingredient needed to ensure strong character in a child.  No, it didn’t matter if the elder was a blood-relative or an acquaintance with passing interest in your well being, you listened and gave deference regardless the relationship.

Though the days of leaving your front door open and kids playing liberally in their neighborhoods free of angst and suspicion are long gone, there is something to be said for bringing back family and the indelible knowledge and guidance it offers. Yes, many of us are busy and our kid’s schedules like our own are jammed packed with homework and a proliferation of countless practices that demand most of our time and attention. But just as we must take time to stop and nourish our bodies, the same is true for our person. And children need this time more than ever -- for leaving them to navigate the endless, gratuitous sex, violence and other mindless acts of moral turpitude that invade our lives through a cavalcade of electronic vehicles daily, has in some cases proven tragic and unconscionable!

Infomercials, talk show experts and self-help books enumerate a plethora of remedies for our modern day physical ailments and psychological obstacles. Yet, despite their claims, none can proclaim they are the king-of-the-hill and thus the panacea for all that is wrong, arcane or confusing in the journey of life. One thing I do know, however, is that family is a powerful entity that possesses innumerable treasures of wisdom, truth and conviction. These treasures are not hidden or buried but stand behind the sentries of love and temperance. And for those of you who took the time to read this passage, I share with you the username and password to relax the arms of the sentries of these treasures and unveil a world of enlightenment, love, compassion, understanding and wisdom to name just a few virtues available if you desire. They are:

Username: Family

Password: Family (Oh, and one special character – YOU)

Missing and Presumably Forgotten

Ok… here we go… my first stab at a blog. I will preface this and each future effort with the disclaimer that I do not portend that I am an expert in any subject nor do I have the moral authority to cast the first stone. Therefore, all of my posts are meant to be entertaining and if germane to your interest perhaps thought provoking.

Now, let’s get started…

Should black MEN be placed on the endangered species list?  Hear me out before you apply any labels or cast any judgments on me, please.

 I live and work in the Washington, DC metropolitan area. I traverse the area during the weekdays, using Metro as my choice of conveyance. I do this not because I am environmentally conscience and want to reduce traffic pollution – although, I do think this a good idea.  No, I do this because I am not afforded the opportunity to park at work due to limited space. So in essence, it is by default that I travel this way.

For the past two years, as mentioned, I have used Metro – the Green-line to be specific, and for those of you who can relate – to get back and forth from work. What I have seen while riding the train for the last 730 days can be described in many ways, vexing being one adjective that immediately comes to mind.

To be clear, I have watched boys – I hesitate to call them young men, as the connotation doesn’t seem appropriate – who share the train with me, seemingly lost in what has become a faltering culture. Why someone would wear their pants hanging off their backside is beyond any reason I can fathom. Additionally, to wear a pair of jeans that, if anything, is more effeminate than masculine further confounds the mind of any reasonable, rational person. Couple this with the fact that our kids are more androgynous than ever and the spectacle becomes almost too much to bear.

Admittedly, I grew up in a time when fathers challenged boys to grow up to be men. Today, unfortunately, the father figure is missing in many black homes. I regrettably concede this point. And to this end, the challenge that once existed seems to have disappeared with our black heroes, soldiers, martyrs, dads who were indefatigable in their effort to raise good men.

Arguably, we have black role models who illustrate the achievement possibilities for the black male. Yet many of these examples have wealth and success acquired through God-given abilities and talents, exhibiting their physical prowess for the enjoyment of the masses. Or, their success is so far removed from the neighborhoods and communities these boys live in they are no more tangible than Shrek and happily ever after.

What is evident today is that many black men are infatuated with lifestyles they can only emulate with superfluous imitation, desperately seeking the latest embellishment to appear the part of their idols. They fail to see the need to educate themselves or the need to assimilate to the work environment so that one day they can ascend from their pointless world of “chillin” and graduate to the world of responsibility, presumably instilling the proper morals and values in their offspring as they pass the torch to the next generation. **sigh**

Truthfully, I am despondent and quite apathetic on this issue. I believe in many cases it is hopeless. What I see are boys who have no direction and no desire to get any. They lack respect for themselves, their families, their culture, their nation and their future. Essentially, what we see before us today are boys who will never move beyond the station they have already achieved in their short lives. Tattoos are the watermark in their lives, leaving indelible marks of false prophets, stupid mantras and inexplicable affiliations. They mill about their communities in a perpetual farce, reenacting the same routine day in and day out in a perverse version of the movie Groundhog Day, unfortunately never learning from their mistakes. 

With these salient points, I again ask the question should black men be placed on the endangered species list. For me, the answer is unequivocally yes. Though, if they happen to survive their trivial and sometimes mortal pursuits, we will have an abundance of black BOYS who know little about how to “be a MAN” and even less about being accountable and responsible for themselves, their families and their community.

The truth is we may have to shutdown the man-card factory, as their maybe too few candidates to justify the need.

S. McGill

One of the most powerful things in this world can be obtained and used liberally by anyone who chooses to use it. “If” can be the beginning of something great or the acquiescence to defeat. How will you use  your “if” today?