Anger: A Pyrrhic Victory

Anger is a conundrum, and acknowledging it and expressing it can be cathartic and at once euphoric. Yet harboring it and nurturing it can be catastrophic and debilitating.  Indeed there is a science to anger that could be a discipline all its own. It is one of the most explosive visceral emotions that we have, and its effects on us can erode many of the other emotions we feel and express. Learning to control anger is a critical step to finding peace, happiness, and contentment.

There are many facets and faces of anger. We all tend to deal with the emotion differently. Some of us choose to be verbose with our expression while others internalize the emotion and let it fester below the surface. Regardless how you deal with the emotion the thing we all must do is release it and move on. 

Walk with me for a second. I see anger as analogous to an experiment I saw recently on television. Scientist, studying the effects of high winds on a house, observed how the articulation of the front door affected the stability of a house during extreme winds. As the common orientation of the front door to swing in was tested and produced the known effect of built up pressure in the house with no escape; the house with a door that swung out (an unconventional model) saw the pressure relieved as the door gave way under the pressure building up inside, thus relieving the tension in the house, ostensibly saving the house from imploding – a common reaction of houses in high wind situations (hurricanes, tornadoes, etc.). The latter outcome increased the house’s survivability exponentially, avoiding the common damage experienced when the pressure is not relieved. Technical - meh! - you get the drift.

Though the human psyche is considerably more nuanced than a house, in principle the theories are the same. Holding onto anger – building your house with the door opening in – allows feelings of resentment and disdain to monopolize your emotions. The pressure becomes the leading factor in how you interact with your environment, resulting in the relinquishment of control – an implosion of feelings if you will. 

Being angry and maintaining anger causes physical distress as well as the compromised ability to make decisions and function. Evidence of this can be seen in every day examples. Fans of Boxing have often seen the consequences of a boxer that fights angry. In fact, there is a common caution in boxing not to do so. Driving angry is another common occurrence that has been known to end with devastating consequences. As well, typing an email or response when one is angry has also spelled disaster for the authors, resulting in regrettable words and statements that cannot be retracted.

Undoubtedly, I have been guilty of harboring anger and releasing it with vitriol and malicious intent to demonstrate my wrath, my fury. Yet to this day I cannot remember most if not all of those instances with clarity or relief. In fact, I have encountered friends or acquaintances after a period of time of being apart, separated by anger, where neither of us could remember what the dispute was about. Thus proving that what I believed to be a moment where I acquitted myself quite well by articulating and executing the profundity of my anger, little impact was made on me or the intended recipient.

The grace of this is that the psyche and the soul – the Id for those who remember Psyche 101 – grasp intrinsically that what we have consciously deemed critical is actually a fleeting moment that has little impact on our tomorrow. Indeed there are events that by their outcomes hurt us and cause us to falter or regret, but they do not kill, nor should they deter. The ability to be resilient is inherent in all of us. And if we choose to embrace that power and eschew the pangs and impulses of anger, existentially we become freer, more empowered.

My offer to you is this: Understand that when you are angry at someone or something they/it control you. When you encounter them your demeanor changes and your life becomes dark and hostile. Instead, move on from the anger. Release it. Accept that which has been done and that that moment in life has passed. There is so much more to enjoy and embrace. The truth is anger is malignant. It robs you of your ability to relax and enjoy. The cure is to release it. Think of it this way: For every carryon of anger you bring on the plane of life you have to pay a hefty price. So, just as you check your bags at the gate and get on the plane unencumbered so as not to carry the burden; check your anger at the gate and enjoy the flight of life unencumbered with a oppressive carryon that cost more to lug than it does to leave.

Live HAPPY! Enjoy! 

S. McGill

One of the most powerful things in the world can be obtained and used liberally by anyone who chooses to use it.  "If" can be the beginning of something great or the acquiescence to defeat. How will you use your "if"?