Time Will Tell

It seems not too long ago that I was the youngest one in the room. At work I was the hungry go-getter who wanted to prove that I could handle the toughest jobs, that I could save the world. I was eager to accept the most difficult challenges, using my professional prowess to win the day. Personally it was my desire to right every wrong and raise my flag on every hill, gaining justice for all. I was indefatigable in my efforts, uninhibited by any obstacle, impervious to defeat.

And then …

I had an epiphany.

Something has changed.

I am now one of the old-heads. The Millennials are now the future and I am the old guy in the corner with the sour coffee breath grunting at every whisper of optimism. I shrug my shoulders in ambivalence when faced with change and sneer in delight when an up-and-comer evinces grandiose ideas of change and improvement.  And though I cannot put my finger on the exact time or place when I crossed the threshold from young and vibrant to old and crotchety, I am cognizant of the fact that indeed this epoch has passed.

The interesting thing is I am alright with being this guy. It may sound strange, but I see myself as taking the torch from my elders continuing the legacy perpetuated by those who came before me. I am part of that history we don’t want to repeat. My cynicism is not so much destructive as it is cautionary.  My aim is not to quell the fires of optimism and enthusiasm as much as it is to temper the spirit and harden the resolve; because I know that victory is not the all or nothing we seek when we are young and spry but the compromise between failure and success. And this is not a concession that total victory is unobtainable, yet the acknowledgement that the energy expended and casualties amassed from such efforts can sometimes be pyrrhic.

The truth is we all have this old person in us from day one. When we are young we don’t listen to the inner-old because it is safe, boring, predictable, skeptical, and cynical. The inner-old is no fun, a Debbie Downer. But what we find as we get older is that the inner-old is right most of the time. And at that moment we begin to recognize and listen to the inner-old is when youthful naivety slips away and seasoned experience takes the wheel.

Take Bill Cosby – ok, I couldn’t resist – he is the personification of what I am trying to say here. I grew up with the Coz as my moral conscious. I loved Fat Albert. Moreover, I was enamored of Mudfoot and his wisdom – if you are asking yourself who is Mudfoot, now is the time to skip to the next paragraph, for this will be lost on you. Mudfoot’s moral integrity and salient wisdom always came at the right time to help guide the Gang in the right direction. And although they still encountered troubles, life lessons were always imparted to the Gang and me when Mudfoot spoke. What’s ironic is that this wisdom, presumably, was coming from a young Bill Cosby. Who, while imparting this knowledge, was allegedly sexually violating scores of women in his real life.   It is the epitome of contradictions. Cosby, an icon and moralist who clearly grasped the vileness of moral turpitude juxtaposed with the importance of personal humility and integrity himself failed to heed the cautions of his inner-old.

The point is not to deride the young and ambitious, making them capitulate to the notion that there is no hope -- quite the contrary. I want the young to be dubious of their heroes. I want their enthusiasm to be measured and their resolve calculated. And though I want to be heard and my cautions heeded, I also want to be proven wrong. I want to see the person heralded for being good and righteous live up to that moniker. I want to see societal change that embraces tolerance, freedom, and unity. I want to believe that our Constitution is predicated on the premise that all men are created equal. I want to believe our judicial system adheres to the edict that every man is innocent until proven guilty. I want to believe that those charged with leading the way do so with humility, integrity, and compassion; ensuring that those who follow are afforded equal opportunity to enjoy the inalienable rights to live, work and thrive in their community without the fear of persecution or prejudice. The truth is, though, I can no longer hush my inner-old. I am relegated to the park bench where I am left to impart my knowledge, wave the proverbial yellow flag of caution, and extol the lessons of my experience to ensure the young go-getters are prepared for what lies before them. And though my inner-old now reconciles that though much has changed much has stayed the same, my now subdued inner-youth whispers in defiance, still believing and routing for the Good to prevail and the happily ever after is achieved. 

S. McGill
One of the most powerful things in the world can be obtained and used liberally by anyone who chooses to use it.  "If" can be the beginning of something great or the acquiescence to defeat. How will you use your "if"?